In the ER with no Mr.

I recently had a health scare...now that definitely sounds like OLS...(  a term I have crafted with the besties as old lady shit,  something we laugh at since turning 50...but on the super serious side

I have done what one should never do and that is  and that is ignore your body...for over 2 months I've had swelling in my right knee, and after an unfavorable Ortho trip and draining it flared back up. Of course I didn't use my insurance up before or immediately after resigning from my "good ass insurance having Job, that's too much like right". 

OK...OK back to the original story. After my usual Monday evening Mom's call I stood up and felt a very different and strange pain, had trouble standing and immediately said," I think I have a blood clot as I noticed the swelling had travelled to my calf and felt warm.  As I rushed to get dressed and head to Urgent Care, I thought "at 55 you are at the age where people lay down and don't wake up" I tabled that thought, took a deep breathe and moved with real intention. At urgent care the NP assessed me, and decided it may be a clot and I needed to go to an ER, the deep breathe I had taken earlier now turned into hot tears and panic as the closest ER was 25 minutes away, I was alone, and I was in excruciating pain!!!

The response from my eldest was less than favorable as he instructed me to "keep him updated"  wht TF when you were in the ER I left a whole date to rush to your side ,,,but I'm the grownup here well technically we both are. By the time I get there I cant walk and have to get in a wheelchair to check in, "did I mention that I hate hospitals!!!!!!! Apparently I chose the most crowded night, and as I sat  waiting for an ultrasound and bawling my eyes out my youngest Sun text that he is on his way, by now Husband-friend has interjected and demands to speak with the doctors, and tells me I don't have a blood clot because he's had them and this isn't not how they would respond....

After the ultrasound I'm wheeled back down amongst the masses and in walks a very nonchalant lanky 6'3 frame hoodied up and I instant feel a little better, after a hug he askes if I have a charger because YES the final game of the final four is happening.....

In the time before Joshua arrived when I was sitting alone watching people with people, I thought and after everything and every person you have been to EVERY one else you end up in the ER alone thus the title, the piercing thought that I don't have a person becomes very real and all the bullshit I tell myself  that makes it OKAY is just that B U L L S H I T! 

I have spent the better part of my life in so much service to others and it has not been self-serving in ways that I also needed....

    I'M A MOM, A gENxER WHO LOVES HER PEOPLE....WHAT'S YOUR superPOWER?💝🌟🏥